Judge Diane Welsh shared some strategies for success at 2009 Pennsylvania Bar Association Commission on Women in the Profession Annual Retreat. The following are her remarks continued from Parts I and II.
“Balance work and family obligations – Just as you are going to think of yourself as your own professional corporation, you need to be the CEO of your family corporation. Delegate and prioritize. Calculate the highest return on the investment of your time. On some evenings, it will be more important for you to be at the PTA meeting than the Bar Association cocktail party. On other occasions it will be more important that you be at the annual meeting than at the soccer tournament. You can’t leave your schedule to chance. Sit down regularly with your co-parent to coordinate your calendars and determine the order of priority among his professional events, your professional events and the child’s events and make plans in advance for who needs to be where. Rarely is it critical that both parents attend a child’s event. As women, we have so many chapters in our lives. You can have it all, but not necessarily at the same time. There are many different jobs within our profession and they have different requirements. For example, a job that requires substantial travel may not be the best choice for you when your children are very young. One of the most exciting things about being a woman lawyer today is precisely that we have so many choices. Take advantage of them to achieve the best balance and quality of life for your self in each chapter of your career.
“As the great philosopher Woody Allen said, ‘Eighty percent of success is showing up.’ When someone you know receives an award, is sworn into office or hosts an event or fundraiser, show up. The person will remember that you came, appreciate it and will consider you a member of his or her circle. Send congratulatory letters, thank you and sympathy notes. E-mail is not a good substitute. It does not have the impact of a handwritten note with a stamp. I have read that the first President Bush paved his road to the White House one thank-you note at a time.
“Flattery will get you everywhere – I’m not suggesting that you be disingenuous. But if you know a person has been promoted, had a successful verdict or a recent firm move, offer congratulations and ask a few questions about his or her experience. One of the most effective forms of flattery is to ask an influential person for advice. Don’t be intimidated. It’s a sign of respect and the person will often respond by not only giving you her advice but will also offer to help you. And people who help us become invested in our success.
“Stop talking and start communicating – Many women provide too many details about people, setting, drama and the thought process involved. A man’s version of the same story will be the ‘Cliff Notes.’ This detailed reporting style of women is seen as ‘rambling’ and can be annoying to men and even other women. The business world was developed by men and for men – and that’s the culture women now operate in. Remember you are attending the event in your professional capacity. Some women tend to get a little giddy if they have a few cocktails so be very careful about alcohol consumption. Be aware of how your style of communicating might be perceived by others. If you don’t gauge it and make adjustments you’ll have difficulty reaching your full potential
“Love the one you’re with – Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who appears distracted or continuously scans the room as if they’re looking over your shoulder for someone more important than you to talk to? It’s terribly insulting. The most important aspect of communication is not talking; it’s listening. If you really want to engage someone, active listening, not imitation, is one of the best skills you can practice.
“Become an expert in your field – When you have handled a complex matter or one that has an unusual issue and you have gained some advanced knowledge through the experience, write an article for a journal, volunteer to be on a seminar panel. Increase your profile by becoming an expert in something. Even a young lawyer can readily achieve recognition in this way. If you encounter a systemic problem that frustrates you, chances are it frustrates a lot of others too. Don’t be satisfied to accept ‘That’s just the way it is.’ Think of things you can do to change it. Form a committee, apply for a grant, find a way to have a task force impaneled. Be creative and challenge the status quo to make your mark and accomplish something lasting and meaningful beyond the case at hand. Then you’re on your way to becoming a leader. And as the Chinese proverb puts it: ‘Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.’
“Blow your own horn – Men are more comfortable than women at promoting their strengths and accomplishments to gain prestige. While men freely talk about their achievements, women often reject the concept as bragging. Women need to toot their own horns more. Let people know about your successes. Enthusiasm can take you a long way. People relate to your excitement.
“Make up your mind – Leaders are decisive. This can be a particular challenge for women who agonize over a decision for fear of making a mistake. When I see a decisive woman in a negotiation it’s notable. When it occurs it is a powerful thing to behold because she has tremendous influence over the other people involved. Do your homework. Gather information. Listen to others who have a stake in the outcome and then using your best judgment, confidently make a decision and move on to the next matter needing your attention. Then you’re on your way to becoming a leader.
“Make an impact: it’s all about the presentation – Impact is projecting that powerful blend of femininity, professionalism, self-confidence, and authority in appearance, manner and communication. When you enter a meeting, make an entrance – make eye contact and greet people by name. Don’t wait to be asked for your opinion. Seize on something you’ve heard and speak up. Don’t worry about being wrong. Generally there is no right or wrong answer – it’s not math class. We’re generally discussing opinions, ideas and experiences. If someone disagrees with you, that’s fine. Indeed, you should expect that someone will. In fact, dare to disagree yourself, without being disagreeable. What you said won’t be long remembered. But your confidence and energy will be.
“Study women whom you admire for their presence and impact – whether in the public arena or in your personal sphere. Whether it’s Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama or a partner in your firm - think about what the qualities they possess that attracts you to them. Emulate those qualities while maintaining your unique style and identity. I once saw a book in a museum store that caught my eye – It was titled ‘What Would Jackie Kennedy Do?’ It was about her style, grace, impeccable manners and the power of her personality. It struck me as a good approach to making the best use of our role models – As you evaluate your conduct or demeanor, consciously ask yourself, ‘What would my role model do?’
“Fulfill your unique potential – Your career is bigger and more important than your job. In order to be successful and to become a leader in our profession, you must first and always have passion for what you are doing. If your job is unfulfilling and keeping you from your career goals, don’t make excuses; make a change. Analyze your options and develop a strategy. Remember that you are in control of your career. It is not your environment, it is you – the quality of your mind, your integrity, and your determination that will decide your future and shape your life.
“My final advice comes from the author James Patterson who urges us to “think of life as a game in which we juggle five balls labeled work, family, health, friends and integrity. Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it bounces back. The other four balls are made of glass. Drop one of these, and it will be irreparably marked, scuffed, nicked and maybe even shattered.”
“It is up to you to choose not just what you do, but who you are. And I sincerely wish all of you great success in your careers and in your lives."
Gina F. Rubel, Esq., is the owner of Furia Rubel Communications, Inc., a public relations and marketing agency with a niche in legal communications. A former Philadelphia trial attorney and public relations expert, Gina is the author of Everyday Public Relations for Lawyers and the co-author of 6 Essentials for Success in Business and Life. Gina and her PR firm have won numerous awards for legal communications, public relations, media relations, strategic planning, corporate philanthropy and leadership. She maintains a blog at www.ThePRLawyer.com and is a regular contributor to The Legal Intelligencer Blog. You can find her on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/ginafuriarubel or follow her on Twitter at http://twitter.com/ginarubel. For more information, go to www.FuriaRubel.com.
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