My mother had it all worked out in her head. I would put the basket of candy on the front edge of my desk and all the good looking attorneys that she insists I must work with would come from all ends of the office for a piece of free confection. One of these men would be so attractive, I would forget all about my rule prohibiting me from dating someone from my office. We would then start talking, he would realize that in addition to being beautiful (remember this is my mother thinking) I was also intelligent and articulate, not to mention generous (free chocolate?) and we would fall madly in love and have lots of babies.
And the first one would be named after her.
She even instructed me to use individually wrapped candies (to prevent the spread of germs) and consider switching it up for the holidays.
I rolled my eyes and reluctantly put the basket on my desk. Not because I thought it would work or that I even wanted it to work, but because I can’t lie to my mom and I knew the next time I saw her she would ask about it.
Only one person came to my desk for candy – my disgusting co-worker with the telltale ring embossed on his wallet.
When he finally finished the candy (with a little help from yours truly) the basket sat empty. I really didn’t see a point in refilling it.
That is until he came.
He is the new associate that now sits in the office next to mine. He is tall and handsome and has an awesome voice. He is a man I could bend the rules for.
After two weeks I learned his name, (though we were never introduced) that he worked for a different department (so we weren’t likely to get assigned to any projects together) and that he likes the Phillies (who doesn’t?) and the Eagles. And that’s it.
Desperate, I ran (no, not literally. I was in four-inch heels) to the drug store to pick up some individually wrapped, Halloween-themed candy. I figured the old girl has been married forever so she must know what she is doing. Besides, it was better than anything I had come up with (which was to wear four-inch heels).
So far he hasn’t so much as looked at the basket. I didn’t take him for one of those “my body is a temple” guys that doesn’t eat processed sugar or refined carbs, but I suppose he could be. Or maybe he hasn’t seen the basket. Or maybe he doesn’t know the candy is available to anyone; especially tall, handsome, male anyones.
I wonder if an office-wide e-mail is appropriate in this situation. Too much? You think I should limit it to all office attorneys?
“Barely Legal” offers humorous monthly musings on what it's really like to work for a law firm. Hint: It's nothing like it is on TV.
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