By Barely Legal
Special to the Legal
Working at a law firm, most mornings I have no idea what I'm walking into. This was one of those mornings.
As I rushed into an elevator, my iPhone alerted me that I had a meeting in 15 minutes. I was simultaneously annoyed and overjoyed. Annoyed, because there was no real reason for me to be in this meeting, but overjoyed because in my rush to get to work, I hadn't had time to stop for breakfast -- and this meeting was sure to have that.
Amazingly, I was first to arrive, so after grabbing a mini-muffin, some fruit and a cup of coffee, I sat down in the chair at the head of the table at the far end of the room.
Next to arrive was a co-worker I don't know that well, and to my chagrin, he decided to sit down right next to me.
I doodled in my notebook as he dropped his notebook on the table, placed his smartphone down next to it, pulled his wallet out from his back pocket and tossed that next to his phone.
When the head of our department came in, I straightened up in my chair, flipped the page on my legal pad (what doodle?) and smiled. Pleasantries were exchanged as he sat at the other end of the conference table.
As the meeting began, I picked up my coffee and started to take a sip. From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of my colleague's old leather wallet sitting on the table -- with a distinct wear pattern in the center of it. I turned my head to get a better look, because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There was simply no way he had tossed his wallet onto the conference table with the condom side facing up.
In my shock and disgust, mid-sip, the hot coffee pooled in my mouth, and I had to spit it back into my cup as I started to choke and cough. And cough.
And cough.
The whole meeting stopped as I tried to hack up the coffee that had gone down the wrong pipe. Tears welled in my eyes. Everyone was looking at me, but I couldn't take my eyes off that damned wallet.
As I dabbed at the corners of my eyes, hoping my mascara wasn't running, I expected the grubby hand of my co-worker to whip into my field of vision and snatch the wallet away, or at least flip it over. But his hand never appeared.
Our department chair asked me if I was okay. I finally managed to look up, tears in my eyes, and assured him that my coffee just went down wrong. I apologized to him and everyone else at the table -- searching their faces. Wondering if they all saw what I saw. I then caught my colleague's eye and stared pointedly down at his wallet, but he either didn't notice or didn't care.
I continued to stare at the ring for the rest of the meeting. I couldn't take my eyes off it. I wondered how long someone had to keep a condom in their wallet before it made such a distinct impression like that? And once it happened, why wouldn't you get a new wallet? Is this somehow cool? A way of letting the ladies know that you are prepared, should the occasion arise?
Because honestly, the only thing it relayed to this lady is that you haven't had the need to use that condom in a really, really long time.
Barely Legal offers humorous monthly musings on what it's really like to work for a law firm. Hint: It's nothing like it is on TV.
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