Something to Talk About

By Barely Legal
Special to the Legal

  I was running late for work, in small part due to SEPTA, but in larger part due to the fact that it was raining and my new foam bed is just so comfy. So , I was late before I got to the train station, but SEPTA made it worse.

I sent an e-mail to my assistant that I was going to be late in case anyone was looking for me. Of course, as soon as I sent the e-mail the train arrived, and if I didn't have to stop for coffee, I am sure I would have made it on time, but that is neither here nor there.

When I arrived, I smiled at my assistant and apologized for being late.

"That's fine," she called back to me. "Stew* just got here too."

For the record, Stew is the guy that sits in the office next to mine. He is always late -- except on the days when he is exceptionally early, and that only ever happens when he wants to leave early. 

"Maybe he was on the same train as you."

I sat down at my desk thinking, "Stew lives in Center City. Why would he be on my train? Does she know I was only sort of telling the truth about the train, or does she just not know where Stew lives?" 

A moment later, Jen*, who sits on the other side of me, came into my office. "Do you hear her out there?"

I shook my head. Allergies left me barely able to hear Jen's whispered tones, much less those of someone outside my office.

"She thinks there is something going on between you and Stew. Apparently you two arrived within minutes of each other."

I came in just after 9 a.m. I'm sure I arrived within minutes of lots of people. 

"Well, you two do seem to spend a lot of time together."

That made me pause and think. Our offices are right next to each other, we share support staff, and we are almost always working on the same projects.  So, yes, we do end up spending a lot of time together. In fact, one day, while procrastinating, I did the math and realized I have spent more time with him over the past year than with any other person presently in my life.

But there's the rub, my lovelies. It is never the two that are spending all their time together that are having the illicit affair. It is the two you never see together -- the two that you aren't sure even know each other.

Just ask Maria. She is probably slapping herself on her forehead about all the time she spent fretting about Arnold and his young assistant. Meanwhile, she never suspected the housekeeper who complained to her about what a slob he was and how he was always leaving his dirty shorts around the house. 

And, just for the record -- no, Stew and I were not together the night before. Lord knows why he was on time that morning. 

(*Names have been changed to protect the "innocent.")

Barely Legal offers humorous monthly musings on what it's really like to work for a law firm. Hint: It's nothing like it is on TV.